[Listening to Max Richter – Sarajevo]
My eyes are closed. Sound is almost the only sense I have.
The time is passing and everything becomes louder and start sounding like a threat.
I can’t move. People are talking aggressively around me in a foreign language.
I am a hostage!
My heart starts beating heavily. I am sweating all over my body.
I start thinking that the end is near.
Every little breeze of air scares me.
My thoughts are passing by with the speed of light.
I start to lose perception of reality. I am in a constant state of fear. I realize every odd is against me.
I start picturing every little moment in my life, trying to find what mistakes I have made to end up here. Is it my fault? It can’t be! Why would I ever create the circumstances for such an event to occur. I am losing my mind, sweating and trembling.
I am responsible for my own death!
My heart pounding so hard and it feels ready to crush.
My brain will fall apart in this state of confusion.
The voices get closer and I am in panic. This is it!
I take a deep breath almost accepting my fate.
In these final moments, out of nowhere, a realization comes.
Nobody is forcing me to do anything.
I take a big breath and I open my eyes.
My shoes are wet from the running water on the side of the street. A drop of rain falls off my nose and I realize I am fully wet. People with shopping bags are waiting next to me for the traffic light to turn green. Suddenly everybody starts crossing the road and I am numb.
I make my first step…
There is still two blocks until I get to work.